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Happily Ever After? Post Wedding Blues

Jessica Rose Knowles

My wedding lived up to all my expectations and more. It was truly a fairytale. We married in Rome in September 2012 and flew 16 members of our family out to join us. The wedding featured a tour around Rome on horse and carriages, we had lunch so close to the Colosseum you could practically touch it and ended up dancing the night away in a bar frequented by all of Hollywood’s finest. If that wasn’t enough, we came back to England and had a beautiful, hysterical Blessing, conducted by Reverend Kate Bottley (better known for gogglebox) and we filled the church with more roses than Kanye gave Kim for Valentines Day (ok the last bit isn’t true.)

So, whilst this is sounding like one big boast fest what I’m actually trying to say is, over a three month period I had the two most spectacular days of my life. Better than anything I could have ever dreamed up and I shared them with everyone I love most in the world. It was incredible, a magical moment in time and then as soon as it came, it was gone and it left a bit of a hole. I was married to the man of my dreams, I had, had two incredible weddings and spent an impossibly lovely amount of time with my friends and family so why then, was I left with a feeling of, ‘Now what? How will I top that?’ The last year had been building to the perfect climax, a once in a lifetime day, my marriage vows and then my ‘honeymoon’ the most romantic of all holidays but when it was done I woke up, and instead of a looming wedding day was a huge expanse of ‘forever’ and it terrified me.

Firstly, at 25, I married a lot young than I had expected. How had I met my Prince Charming and wrapped my life up so quickly? Surely one of life’s biggest mysteries and excitements is who your love will be. Once you know, what else is there? All these questions were swimming round in my head and I started to feel really down. It was confusing and embarrassing – I’d had the wedding of my dreams and was married to my soulmate. What was there to feel depressed about? So much time went into planning the wedding that for a year, I didn’t think of me, only we. The majority of the wedding planning generally falls to one party in the relationship; you find extra hours in the day to plan the best day of your life but you don’t think past it. You think way past it; kids, grandchildren, cuddling on a park bench by the seaside when you’re old but you don’t think of the immediate weeks after your wedding. I wish I had planned a little beyond the wedding; days with friends, pub lunches with family – things that I could still identify with as an individual as well as one half of a couple.

The feeling didn’t stay long, but if you’re getting married and afterwards you feel like there’s been a slight anticlimax – it’s normal, you haven’t made the wrong decision and, it’s a cliche but the best really is to come. Since our wedding our life has changed and expanded in ways we could never have imaged, we’ve made new friends, moved house twice, had a gorgeous baby boy and learnt even more about ourselves and each other. We’re closer than ever and although he occasionally asks me for a divorce and I occasionally tell him ‘No.’ I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now when I think about the future I realise that there is a ton of mystery and excitement left, I have no idea what’s around the corner but either way I’ll get to experience it with my best friend, and that’s the greatest feeling of all.

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